I Do Not Like These Head Games

January 13th, 2019

Give me an athletic competition,
or at least my brain against one other brain,
other otherwise give it to me straight.
I do not like these head games,
where one word does not mean what it means,
where another words has any semantic relationship,
a cloud of impersonators.
I will learn to phreak this system slowly -
I have already disconnected myself from the approved outlets
and jacked directly into this matrix,
but some cords remain connected.
I pay a price to live in two worlds at once.
A heavy price.
My mind swims in torrents of information —
at times the tide pulls me out to sea.
For it I receive some acceptance among persons
who I feel need a lifeline,
who do not know they are drowning.
I want an excuse to let them go some times when the current rises high.
But an unbroken line ties me to the beach, and so I remain connected.
I see swimmers: punks, nomads, and outcasts.
When I am weak I envy them.
When I am strong I envy them.
But I am not them.
I see their powerful strokes,
strong independent swimmers,
running all their own servers.
But if I look closely,
and I know better than to look too closely,
they too hold to some lifeline,
something holds them in this
net
where each link
is a promise
of survival

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